If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
