He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
