Betty ford says i'm here all night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
