I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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