capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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