Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
