This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
