She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize