I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
