Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
