You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.