I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
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You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.