You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you still have your period?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.