i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in