Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"