There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.