Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
