As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
