So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
