Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
