Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
