so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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