Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
