I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
