Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
