Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Got a toothbrush?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
