What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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