I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
