Me too!
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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