I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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