So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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