the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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