the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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