It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
