The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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