I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
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I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it glows. i had to have it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.