I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.