Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
