Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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