you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
