So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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