the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
