If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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