I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
