Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
