So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
