if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
