Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
