It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
