There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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