Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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