Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
try to milk me bitch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
