Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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