Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
