Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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