ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I understand Curling. That high.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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