I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
