should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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