just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
