I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
