We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
