How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
