Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
