I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
