last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
