we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
