he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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